My life is so empty without Judy, and my attempts to find meaning are just so exhausting. Meditation has undoubtedly helped but there is a tendency now for me to simply associate all my current activities with mourning itself. How will I be able to move forward until I am living in a new house doing a new job and with at least a few new friends? Every day I ask myself how this could even be possible when in truth I don't want any of these things. I just want Judy back. And that, as I said before, is the one thing I cannot have. I just feel so sick. I want to go to sleep and never wake up.