Having Mum and Dad around for the last few days has certainly helped. But it has been difficult. There is no substitute for my darling girl. I just miss her so much. When we had dinner in the pub on Sunday I just kept staring at the chair next to Dad. Why was Judy not sitting there!! Why did she have to be taken away from us??? I know all the cliches about her being in a better place and not suffering any more. I know that none of us can choose the moment our lives on earth will end, but sitting there at that moment was a stark reminder of just how arbitary life is and how hard it is. When you love someone so much (too much) you know that ultimately one day you will suffer as a consequence of this. And right now I am struggling to come to terms with that and to find a way through it. I am just so exhausted! And there is no obvious way for this to end. Because she is not coming back. which is the only thing I really want, and the only thing I know I cannot have.