It is April already! I cannot comprehend how time just continues to pass, as it always has but now without my beautiful girl. Every day that goes by without seeing her, or hearing her voice or sharing a daft joke with her just reinforces how empty and dull my life has become. The truth is I am trying to find out who I really am. I can no longer define myself in terms of someone else. Because that someone else has gone. And I am left standing alone and exposed having no idea where to go or what to do. And apart from my one hour of counselling once a week I have no one to talk to about this. Literally no one who is near or who seems that interested. Judy and I made a life alone for ourselves. We supported each other, we loved each other, and we made the fatal mistake of assuming we did not need anyone else. Now I have learned the hard way that this is a dangerous way to lead your life. I suppose everyone must think that I have done well to get this far. But what choice have I had? I suppose I have chosen not to kill myself. I have chosen to meditate regularly and to attend meditation classes. And to go for counselling. But what choices do I make next? I have no idea.