Whenever I come to this site I am met by Judy's smiling face. I can remember so well the day I took that photo in a hot marquee tent at Hampton Court Flower show. We were having a very nice lunch which we had booked in advance. She was so happy that day. We were so happy. And now all I feel is utter despair. I don't think I will come to this site again for a while. It is not helping me now. I just want to die.