I have just spoken to Katie on the phone. It helps to talk to people who feel the same way. I have lost my soul mate, but she has lost her daughter. The pain is so very great sometimes I think it will overwhelm me. But Judy is sending me messages all the time. And I know she wants me to remain positive and to try to fill my days with meaningful activity. I have to keep going, because there is no other option. It's not just the fact that I miss her so much that makes me so anxious. It's the fact that I now live in Devon (on my own) and that every ounce of my being is saying that I hate being there now. It was our new life together. We had only just started it, and now she has gone I just don't want to be there any more. But at the moment I have no where else to go. And I have our little cat to think about if I did decide to go. Decisions are so hard when you feel so empty and alone and no one can help me or tell me what to do.