It's been a month since I last wrote in this journal. Life has been so busy, what with moving house and Christmas. Everyone assumes that I am just getting on with life. Hardly anyone even mentions your name any more. How quickly they forget!!! On Christmas day itself at Mum and Dads your name was only mentioned once by my Mum, and that was only because she found me in the bedroom looking at your picture. But you are never out of my thoughts even for one moment. I am glad that Christmas is over now, because without you it has been almost unbearable. Yet I do 'soldier' on because there is nothing else I can do. And soon another year will be upon us. Another year without you. People think it will get easier for me, but what do they know? How can it get easier? As time passes I just miss you more, and realise even more how you can never be replaced. Just as you became even better at acting to disguise your illness for the benefit of others, so too will I get better at disguising the immense pain in my heart. Because no one wants to know about other people's pain. It just makes them feel uncomfortable, and there's nothing they can do to ease it anyway.