My first Bank Holiday weekend alone. I don't feel as bad as I thought I would. Apart from getting my hair cut on Saturday morning, and meeting up with some people yesterday for lunch. I have not done much. I will go out for a walk on the moors again today, as I did on Saturday. It's good exercise, and I need all the exercise I can get now that I have enterted myself for the London Marathon next year, and a climb up Kilimanjaro. If someone had said to me even a few weeks ago that I would do this I would have thought them mad. But I think I have turned a bit of a corner in the last week or so. I'm not really sure how or why this has happened. I still miss Judy desperately, but I know now that my life will carry on. I feel a sense of purpose rising in me. Before it was just empty words. Now I can really feel that there is a sense of actually being able to achieve things. Things I would probably not have even dreamed of doing if Judy was still alive. The truth is that Judy held me back. I don't mean that in any way as a critcism of her, although she did express that feeling to me sometimes. (She would say that I would be better off without her). No. I chose to be with Judy and I chose to love her and care for her. And, yes, that did mean personal sacrifice. But if someone were to say to me, would I have had it any other way? I would say no. The only regret I will ever have is that my efforts to help her could not have given her the chance at least of better health. However, she has gone now, and there is nothing I can do about that. But what I can do is to live my life in a new way, that can honour her memory and show her, myself and everyone else that something good and positive can come out of even the most awful of circumstances. I have managed to persude the big boss of Twofour to pay for my Kilimanjaro trip, so I'd better get fund raising. In fact with that in mind I have already booked a club in Plymouth to hold a charity fundraising night. I'm hoping to run it like a 'Britain's Got Talent' type show. I just hope I can get the acts to play. Well, I know I can, as I have had plenty of offers of support. And I am doing all this for you Judy! Because, important though it is, I want to create so much more than this website to remember you. I want a real legacy to exist in your name. Something positive that can arise out of tragedy and live on forever.