I m back from my holiday and although I had a good time I feel very lonely and sad right now. I suppose it was inevitable. The house is still empty and my darling girl is still not here. Now I have to face up to moving which I know I have to do. But I face it with fear and dread. It will be closing the final door on this chapter of my life. Judy has gone and she is never coming back. All the while I am here the irrational part of my brain can cling on to the miracle of her suddenly reappearing. But when I leave here and go somewhere that she has never been with me then there will be no more delusion. And my life without her will continue. The life I never wanted or chose. But this is a reality for everyone in truth. Because things happen to every one every day which they did not necessarily choose. What matters is how we deal with it. Complaining about the weather won't change it. Feeling sorry for myself won't change anything either. But I will continue to miss Judy every day for the rest of my life. How could I not?