Another Monday. When I see that picture of Judy on the first page I just feel so crushed. I will never see her again. My darling girl. My world! Why has this happened? What will I do without you? What will become of me? I have never felt so alone in my life. I went out for lunch with Laura yesterday. It was a really pleasant lunch in a beautiful country hotel. I did enjoy it. But I kept thinking. "This should be Judy sitting here" "Judy would have loved this". I know I should not think like this. I should just enjoy the moment. But always at the back of my mind it is thoughts of Judy. Where is she? Why is she not here? Will I be tortured forever by this? Because there is no way around it. And I'm not sure I have the imagination or the strength to work out where to take my life now. Maybe this will come in time, but I'm not sure where it will come from. Everyone always assumed I was the strong one in the relationship but that was only half the story. All the time I was looking after Judy and trying to help her I did not have to think about my own life. Now I've got nothing else to think about and it is very hard, because when I look at my life I see nothing. Absolutely nothing. As I said, maybe in time I will see a way forward because it is still early days. But right now the future is just a very dark tunnel. There is absolutely no light at the end of it.